A lesson from Susan Boyle’s confident performance
Have you ever had someone make negative assumptions about you before giving you a chance? Perhaps you don’t fit the traditional mold of the dreams you aspire to – you feel you’re too young, too old, too big, not attractive enough, experienced enough, educated enough, or [you fill in the blank]. When it comes to your dreams, what really matters is whether you have the talent, grit and confidence to rise to the occasion when opportunity knocks – just as 47 year old Susan Boyle did on Britain’s Got Talent a week ago. According to the Washington Post, videos of Ms. Boyle have been viewed 85 million times in the last week.
The unemployed, never-married and admittedly “never kissed” singer had, until this month, sung only in her local town. Many columnists and commentators have simplified the reaction, saying the audience – with its eye-rolling, snickers and sarcasm before her performance – judged the book by its cover. Indeed, they did. But the reaction goes deeper than that. How do you explain the tears and resounding cheers from that same audience within seconds of Ms. Boyle’s opening notes?
It was more than her voice that led them from jeers to tears to cheers. Besides a bit of guilt from realizing how shallow they’d been in judging her, I think many related to being the underdog. Overlooked. Underestimated. Ridiculed for having the audacity to believe that your dream is possible – especially if you don’t look the part.
In a world of slick marketing and Photo-shopped magazine covers, we seem to readily discount anything or anyone who doesn’t measure up. In fact, if Susan Boyle looked like a typical pop star, we wouldn’t be talking about her. No one is shocked when a beautiful, young woman has talent. We seem to give beautiful people the benefit of the doubt. As a culture, we’ve even been known to make celebrities out of people with no talent as long as they look good.
While the audience seemed uncomfortable with Ms. Boyle’s looks, she seemed perfectly comfortable – and refreshingly confident as she walked on stage with her hand on her hip. “I’m going to make that audience rock,” she said backstage before her performance. She knew she had the talent and she believed in herself.
How about you? Do you believe in yourself? Do you too quickly judge others? Coach yourself with these two coaching questions:
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In what way are you underestimating yourself right now? Perhaps it’s time to step up and stop hiding the gifts you have to offer the world. We will all be better off if you let your light shine.
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Is there someone you aren’t giving a chance because they don’t “look the part”? Look beyond the cover and you might discover some unexpected positives.
(If you want to hear a little more of Ms. Boyle, check out her rendition of Cry Me a River from a charity CD 10 years ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jI2DxkrgpgQ).
Valorie Burton is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC), speaker, and author of five books, including Why Not You? 28 Days to Authentic Confidence, What’s Really Holding You Back? and How Did I Get So Busy? Subscribe to her free e-newsletter at www.valorieburton.com and follow her at www.twitter.com/valorieburton.
47 comments
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April 21, 2009 at 6:55 pm
June Montgomery
Ms. Burton, thanks so much for this article. I have not been feeling very confident lately, but I know that I have a gift to sing. I want to audition for America’s Got Talent, but I have been second guessing myself because I am 65 years old–a goodlooking 65. I need to hear from you if you have the time. I read your articles religiously.
April 21, 2009 at 8:48 pm
valorieburton
Sounds like you know what you need to do. What do you have to lose by trying? Consider this quote from Mark Twain:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do.” – Mark Twain
I say, Go for it. 🙂 If you don’t, you may always wonder what would have happened. If you do, and don’t make it, you’ll have an exciting experience and some disappointment you can overcome. If you go for it, and it goes well, you’ll have reached a meaningful goal you set for yourself. Enjoy the journey.
April 21, 2009 at 6:59 pm
akaziaj
Susan Boyle was able to embrace her inner greatness. Valerie thank you for highlighting this sheroe and showing what believing in self can do. Looking forward to more blogpost. Welcome aboard.
April 21, 2009 at 7:17 pm
glenyse
YEAAAA! I was wondering when you were finally going to set foot into the blogsphere. I have been a fan of yours for quite a few years. Great first post.
April 21, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Carlton Huff
You are too much (meant in a good way)! Congrats on your new blog and the new ‘do! It looks terrific.
As a volunteer with my church’s youth group and coach of high school track athletes, I am always seeking to pass along lessons learned from current events. No doubt your blog will help me do that.
God Bless,
Carlton
April 21, 2009 at 7:51 pm
candace
Great post. We live in a world where judging a book by its cover is quite natural and pretty expected. But Susan Boyle’s story is a great reminder about how much we can miss when we do.
April 21, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Toks Aruoture
LOVE the new hairdo!
Very true words Valorie and congratulations on your first blog!
April 21, 2009 at 8:46 pm
valorieburton
Thanks, Toks. Glad you like the hair. 🙂
April 21, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Cheryl Cousins
Hi Valorie,
Love your hair! I agree with you; I think that Susan Boyle’s story resonated with so many people because we all have at some point experienced the pain associated with being overlooked and underestimated as you so aptly put it. Many of us have also reacted insensitively in much the same way as the audience did, toward those we feel aren’t quite the “personification of the ideal”. To judge people based upon their looks, race, religion, social standing or perceived financial wealth has become very common and it’s unfortunate. It was not Susan Boyle who was unattractive that night, but the members of the audience who thought her incapable of stardom before she even sang a note. It was wonderful to see an “unlikely” individual reach for and achieve her dream despite obvious doubters and quite revealing to see in the faces of everyday people, what it looks like to pre-judge; that’s ugly. I have walked in Susan’s shoes many times and while those experiences have often been very painful, each one has been a stepping stone on my success path. There is great joy in using one’s gifts and talents – they are supposed to be shared. To those who may be less than confident, I share these words from the wise women of my youth, taken from Prov. 18:16, “your gift will make room for you”. Even if you don’t look like everyone else who has already arrived at your desired destination – your gift says you belong where you’re trying to go… so go for it!
April 21, 2009 at 8:45 pm
valorieburton
Beautifully said, Cheryl! Thanks for your comments.
April 21, 2009 at 9:31 pm
caterpillar85
Thank You Valorie! I am so glad you have joined us over in blog world… I’ve been reading your motivational e-mails for months now! This was very well put and I couldn’t have received it at a better time! I’m currently about to graduate in less than a month with my masters degree and i’m in the process of interviewing and hoping to find a job! I have been underestimating myself like you said…. feeling as if I’m too young & don’t have enough experience! Well thanks to you I’m going to show them what I’ve got at my interview this Thursday 🙂
April 21, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Linda J.
Mrs. Valorie Burton, thank you for uplifting, and encouraging words of a toast to God’s creation making Ms. Boyle fearfully and wonderfully. In His image and in His likeness he made us all. How much more amazing can we be? I’m glad she walked into the limelight with confidence, not defined by the opinions and particular likings, favorites of people. She walked into the limelight loving herself and appreciating a grand opportunity appointed, prepared and times for such a wonderful time as this. I’m so proud of Ms. Boyle because she has encouraged a billion of broken people…broken by the comments and negatives comments from people without compassion, consideration and common respect for others.
I hope Ms. Boyle is invited to sing at the White House, and the Potters House! Such a motivational blog Mrs. Valorie. It was like a fresh cup of coffee, but first smelling the nice aroma, then comes that first sip. By the way, I love the natural due…a powerful statement to love you just as you were created. No chemicals, simply natural to match your gentle natural beauty.
April 21, 2009 at 9:54 pm
ashleigh britt
Hi Valorie… Thanks for posting and setting up this blog … this message is perfect timing for me, because I am about to do my first “open mic” at a church local ….. I have played for years with family.. and my pomes have become songs…I am 28 and single… and I have a message to share, yet I get nervous sometimes by how I think others expect me to be. I;m like Paul was in the Bible sometimes- bold when he was away and writing to them– yet timid in person… but I want to be bold when I need to be. So, I really appreciate this post… and I really think you are a special blessing- the way you are so inspirational and supportive of people being all they are meant to be— May God continue to bless you and use you for His glory!
~Ashleigh B.
April 21, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Nichola McClenaghan
Valorie you look stunning!
I agree with your post. It’s a shame we live in a society were so much emphasis is placed on appearance (especially during those first impressions when we tend to ‘label’ others) . Thankfully God is more interested and attracted to our hearts. I’m a believer that whatever is in our hearts ultimately is what makes us attractive.
Thanks for your coaching questions – they have certainly challenged me to look deeper and examine the ‘labels’ I’ve put on other people.
Nichola x
April 21, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Wanda N.
Valorie,
Congratulations on your blog. Great choice. This is a marvelous story. I’ve enjoyed receiving your weekly offerings. God bless you and your family. Almost forgot! Love the hairdo!!!!!
April 21, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Wyn
Love your picture, you skin looks perfect!
April 21, 2009 at 10:59 pm
AskTheBlackGurl
As always, your comments were right on time. Thanks, abundantly.
April 21, 2009 at 11:49 pm
Rhonda
Love your hair and your first post! So many times we lose-out on others gifts because we judge them by their appearance. It’s time we start to go beyond the surface and realize that people are more than our limitations we place on them. God bless you, Valorie.
April 22, 2009 at 12:35 am
Debra Chin
Hello Valorie:
Thanks so much for the encouraging blog! Much needed! There are many times that my self-confidence is down and I am really disastisfied with my self for various reasons, but it seems at the time I am down the most that’s when something awesome happens to lift my spirit and let me know that I am worthy and being appreciated in some form!! Your words of encouragement have helped me through many, many days! At times I am on both ends of the spectrum either judging my self or someone else, but later realizing my judgement was way off! Starting today I’m going to begin unhiding my gifts and also giving others a chance, so that I can discover their unexpected positives! Thanks for taking out your time to help others!!!
-Deb
April 22, 2009 at 7:49 am
Mitzi Amato
Valorie…I’m so thankful for the opportunity to “talk” to you. I read your book “What’s Holding You Back” & that led me to enroll in a life coach training program. Then I ordered your “Destined to Coach” series…AWESOME…I’m listening to it for the THIRD time! I’m following you on twitter…so had already read this blog…once again…you are RIGHT ON! Thank you for following the Lord’s plan for your life…your obedience has blessed more people than you will ever know!
May God continue to bless you abundantly! Mitzi Amato
April 22, 2009 at 1:59 pm
valorieburton
Hi Mitzi, congrats on following your coaching dreams!
April 22, 2009 at 7:52 am
LaRon Carter @laroncarter
Hey Ms. Valorie, Just got your eMail, great seeing you take it up a notch as always.
Say it sister, “Stop Underestimating, Start Believing.” Enough said. Sometimes that little nudge that we have gotten off course to living our dreams in our mind before walking it out can take it’s first step. Thanks for the reminder, you are a gem!
Stay focused. Stay confident.
LaRon | @K12Live
April 22, 2009 at 8:20 am
Dona
Hi Valarie… This is my first blog ever!!! not really sure why I never joined the blog world before, I suppose I was waiting for something worth while 🙂 Thanks!
April 22, 2009 at 9:04 am
Angela Hamm
I can relate completely. I am a business woman who at 42 looks 25. Not that this is a bad, thing but sometimes I am not taken seriously because people think I am younger than I am and therefore inexperienced. I am also naturally quiet which leads people in the business world to underestimate me because they percieve me as being shy and timid. I am far from timid, speaking weekly before hundreds, but if I have nothing to say I prefer to listen to others.
April 22, 2009 at 9:15 am
Betty L.
Valorie, Love your hairdo. I get your e-newsletter all the time I enjoy reading them. I was in a relationship with this guy off and on for about 13 years. He told me that he go though situation were he don’t want to get out of the bed or see anyone. He told me that he is not happy and that he want to be happy. We are not seeing each other any more. It is hard letting go of this relationship I am really trying. I just think about ths person all the time. I have a hard time meeting other guys because I am not out spoken. I am very quite don’t talk a lot. Please help. Thanks
April 22, 2009 at 1:19 pm
valorieburton
Your ex may need some professional help – he might be clinically depressed. Although it’s hard, consider stepping back and looking at this objectively so you can let him know you’re concerned about him, not just because of the relationship, but because his behavior could be symptoms of some serious problems for which there is help. Go to http://www.apa.org for more info on depression and a listing of therapists in your area.
I know the breakup of the relationship is very painful. It can be an important step to mourn your loss – especially because the relationship lasted so long. Then, make a decision to stop looking back and start looking ahead. The future is yours to design and create, but it’s waiting on you to embrace it. Although you can’t see it right now, if you learn the lessons of your previous relationship, the future is bound to be better than your past.
April 22, 2009 at 9:21 am
Linda Stoll
I’ve added your blog to my list of daily favorites … I look forward to hearing your insights … may you be blessed as you write and interact!
April 22, 2009 at 1:21 pm
valorieburton
Glad you’re subscribed to the blog!
April 22, 2009 at 9:28 am
ODeidra Williams
You look like you were made to rock a fro!!
I just want you to know that reading your “Follow me on Twitter” blurb gave me a “light bulb” moment! I realized that i AM SUPPOSED to be traveling and giving people messages of hope and empowerment. I admire your work. A friend of mine in Chicago turned me on to you and I’m glad he did.
I tilt my hat to you and hope to meet you on the circuit one day…
peace! odeidra
April 22, 2009 at 1:32 pm
valorieburton
ODeidra, tell your friend I said thanks for letting you know about me. Yes, I think I was “made to rock a ‘fro”. I just didn’t know it!
April 22, 2009 at 10:04 am
Donna
Thanks Valorie for this blog. This is another Donna who is blogging for the first time. When I first heard Susan Boyle, and heard about her, one of the things I noticed is that she volunteered in her church. I couldn’t help but think about the Scripture that talks about their being a time for every purpose under heaven. This is Susan’s time to sing under heaven. I have sung, preached and taught. Recently my singing voice has been going due to a medical issue, but I am reminded that I am still a Voice and a Scribe, and I can still speak and write (even blog). It is important for us to lay hold of our gifts and our callings as them move in and out of our lives.
April 22, 2009 at 10:19 am
Karima
Valerie…thank you so much for posting this blog. I had a similar conversation with co-workers yesterday about what Ms. Boyle represents in a culture where everyone and everything is suppose to be “beautiful and talented.” She was very authentic and real and exhibits beauty in another form and fashion – one that we too often in the US overlook.
Also, thank you for reminding me to tap into the talents and gifts that God has given me and to stop “hiding!”
You are en encourgaing light in this world!
Keep blogging!
April 22, 2009 at 11:33 am
linkemphraigh
My only concern with this blog is that it provides false hope for those of us whose dreams are not attainable. For every Susan Boyle on these talent shows, there are the crushed dreams of thousands of contestants, whose failed auditions are used for degrading ratings boosters. I’m not arguing that having goals and trying to achieve them aren’t important – simply that staying realistic is a valuable outlook on life too.
April 22, 2009 at 1:49 pm
valorieburton
Hi Scott, thanks for your comment. If Susan had been “realistic,” she never would have shown up at the audition. You can’t fail at the thing you were created to do – not everyone (not the vast majority) is meant to be a singing sensation on international television. But we all have something to contribute (even though this “something” is not always what we initially think it is). If we hide our dreams out of fear of ridicule or a lack of confidence, we do a disservice to ourselves and to those who could benefit from what we have to offer.
April 22, 2009 at 11:36 am
Sharon Goemaere
Loved this post Valorie and you are so beautiful!!!When I was younger and growing up in a Baptist Church(am now 47 and attend a Vineyard Church)I wanted to be black as I knew so many godly and beautiful and funny and gifted black women!I amuse myself at times.LOL Anyhow,this post was great.So many do judge a book by it’s cover and make assumptions.But we are all gifted by God and sometimes the greatest gifts reside within the most unlikely people!Glory to God!~Sharon Goemaere
April 22, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Beth Staples
I was so inspired by Susan after watching the video. She has a beautiful voice.
I love your hair. I went natural a year ago and I’m loving it!!
April 22, 2009 at 2:04 pm
wdstsi
I saw this comment and loved your discussion about this woman. Have you heard or seen the movie “Who does she think she is?”. This is a story about 5 women who are artists and mothers and how they do all of this. Chris German
April 22, 2009 at 2:31 pm
wdstsi
I had forgotten to add the link to my last entry about the film WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? it is http://www.whodoesshethinksheis.net After reading your blog on Susan Boyle, I wanted to tell you about WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? because it too is about the courage to live one’s dreams despite the consequences.
The screenings for the film are listed on the web page as well as the trailer. a trailer can also be found on Youtube.
I am Pamela T. Boll’s sister. She is the Directer of this great film. It is her first film and she spent five years trying to make it. Many people told her there was no story here. But, she kept going and now the film has played in over ninety cities in Canada and the United States.
Right now, Pam, our other sister, Cindy and I are on tour with WHO DOES SHE THINK and we are just beginning to explore the world of blogging. Another first–for me, this time! Chris German
April 22, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Grace Onyango
Please tell me what you are using on your hair, I want a natural hairdo but have no idea. I love your great post my first reading after the birth of my third baby.
Grace
April 22, 2009 at 6:12 pm
valorieburton
Congratulations on your new baby, Grace! I use products by Hair Rules – http://www.hairrules.com.
April 22, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Tammy Shoup, CPRW
Valorie ~
Congratulations on the launch of your blog! The world is a better place because of your ability to share timely messages that encourage and uplift others throughout life’s journey. Reader’s should grab hold and let their light shine as Susan did!
May God continue to guide and bless you as you touch hearts and change the world with a positive message that inspires others to reach their true Call!
April 23, 2009 at 10:51 am
Alice
Valorie,
Great to see you here! Excellent first post… and I love your hair!
April 23, 2009 at 11:27 am
kfday
Hi Valorie,
Great article to make a great point. I think we all have been guilty of judging but many of us have been on the receiving end as well whether it’s something vague or broad such as race. I work in an office where I’m the only black person. There’s a lady who at times comes across offensive but because of who Christ is in me, I overlook it. I choose to walk in love and faith and understand her issue didn’t begin with me cause I’m black but is rooted in fear. I love my job and the people I work with/for; they are good people. She can be difficult to get along with but perhaps she’s the reason I’m here – I’m the vessel. God may be doing a work in her while perfecting me. I’m thrilled he chose me for this opportunity. I trust that He knows what he’s doing even when it doesn’t feel so good at the time. Besides, love prevails – I’m on the winning side. And I sure He aims to win her over…
April 23, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Lukeither Willingham
Yes, GF, I love you new picture. I’m thrilled to see you in the blog sphere and on twitter. I look forward to getting your positive messages in real time. Don’t get me wrong I love your newsletter and share them with family and friends.
Great article.
I’m also a blogger, Twitterer, entrepreneur and can be found at:
http://www.lukeithermd.com
http://www.soulfoodforcomfort.wordpress.com
http://www.allthangsdigital.wordpress.com
Twitter
LinkedIn
Facebook;
the list goes on.
Blessings and favor
Lukeither Willingham, Web Developer
Lukeither Multimedia & Design
April 25, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Tirtsah
Hello Valerie,
I love this blog because I feel the colors & fresh look of this site. It looks attractive. It makes me want to come back to visit the site. Something about its colors and design seem to reflect the personality you project even more than the colors and look of your main website at http://www.ValerieBurtom.com
You have words to say that are very inspiring and reflect what the Spirit wants us to know. Stop underestimating and start believing is exactly the message I got early that morning on my train ride to work. Seems like a lot of my lessons come while I am still in that quiet space in the morning. I am still asking Abba what he put me here to do. Iam creative make Jewelry yet I am not sure if that is the craft he wants me to focus on. Still searching.
Thank you for all you do.
Tirtsah
April 26, 2009 at 6:10 am
Ava Ingraham
Hello Valerie,
I have been enjoying your newsletters for quite some time. It’s more than just something interesting to read, it’s something I can use everyday. I thank you for letting God use your talents to encourage people everywhere.
Susan Boyles’ voice was outstanding & quite a pleasant surprise…quite fitting for the article on Stop Underestimating, Start Believing. I need this mentality when it comes to the number of ideal marital relationships in the world.
May 18, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Gayla D'Hollosy
Hi Valorie,
Love your new blog and your new look! The story on Susan Boyle is so inspirational. I too sing and have sang for many years ministering through music. But I must say it has not been easy for me to step out on my own and it has been just in the past year that I have began to make some changes. In the past, I have always looked for approval and validation from others in using the gift that God has given me, probably much like Susan Boyle, waiting for someone to say, “You are doing it right … or here is how you do it.” But you know, the problem with that is, you are always trying to measure up to someone else’s idea of “good and acceptable.” You know, I am finding that God’s way is perfect and that He made each and every one of us unique and special, with our very own gifts and talents and His approval is all we need. I have recently started subscribing to your newsletter and actually use some of your quotes in ministry and I thank you for inspiring me each week. I look forward to your next blog!